Hi! Welcome to my blog! I'm Mel. :)
Have you ever found yourself looking for something you were hoping you wouldn't find?
This sums up most of my life. It's what happens when you're living as something other than your authentic self.
The things I've been looking for made sense on the outside because they hung together like a terrible constellation: "If I have this kind of job, then I'll wear these kinds of clothes, and I'll have these kinds of conversations, and I won't talk about being a depressed cougar."
Through a series of unfortunate events, of which the crescendo was burning out at my job a few months ago, I've decided I can't do it anymore. I can't be "this-thing-I'll-call-me" from 9 to 5 and "the-depressed-cougar-I-can't-show-or-talk-about" on evenings and weekends.
Unfortunately, it appears that this is not a change I can make piecemeal. If I want to be open about who I am and who I genuinely want to grow to become, the job and the clothes and the conversations matter. If you take away someone's clothes, job and conversations, what's left of their identity to choose from?
Enter the the depressed cougar blog.
I just made this blog public like a week and a half ago but it has been in the works for quite some time. And I can't wait any longer. I need to be me now.
I don't take the decision to make this blog public lightly. Not the least of which reason is that I'm not working right now. It's risky coming out as a depressed cougar when I'm trying to get hired. Not exactly the top qualifications I'd list on my resume!
But I don't care. I'm doing it anyway.
I believe so strongly in the stories I want to tell and the feelings I want to share that I'm willing to put myself out there and let the pieces fall where they may.
Some of you might be coming here for the "depressed" part of the blog - and to that I say, come for the depressed, stay for the cougar!
This is a blog about two parts of my identity - the depression and the cougarness. I've struggled with depression and anxiety since childhood, and I've been a card-carrying cougar since I turned 40 (more or less). They are both taboo topics, for different reasons. My opinion is that neither should be. So here we are!
I know I'm not the only cougar out there. I'm convinced I'm not the only depressed cougar. Especially coming out of a pandemic that kept us all isolated for over a year and a half. Now more than ever, it's time to tell our stories.
May this blog make you laugh and provide you with the comfort of knowing you're not alone as you read my off-the-wall, no-holds-barred weekly posts. You're about to learn a whole lot about me. I'm hoping you'll learn something about yourself, too.
- M.B.
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